Not in the Same Place

So Date #2 is done! He sent me a message on one of my websites. At first, I almost blew him off because he was younger. I rarely date younger guys preferring men my own age or older. They are usually much more together (not always) but it is usually true.

He continued to message me so I chatted with him via email. He seemed nice. We both loved music, theatre, movies. We were both avid readers and both worked in education. I thought this was a better match than "Jeff," the oversharer. Certainly, this had to work out better. Right?

So we continued to chat via email and also via instant messenger. I was really enjoying my conversations with "Ted." He was funny, smart, and seemed like he could really be fun to go out with one day. He kept pushing me so I finally agreed to meet for a Sunday coffee and Lake Calhoun time. We agreed to meet at noon. I wanted to meet at 12:30 but he said noon was better so I went along with it.

Sunday, noon, there I sat waiting. Five after, he messages me to say he is running late. I am thinking he is at brunch with his family so I accept that. I am not thrilled though because I hate tardiness. It totally infuriates me! My life in the theatre does not afford the idea of being late. As I get older, I realize that being late is not something I will tolerate for myself or others unless there is an emergency!

12:30, he shows up. UMMM, we could have met when I wanted, any who. I ask how Sunday brunch was and he tells me he didn't go and was just running late. This pissed me off but I tried to put it out of my mind.

We have good conversation but I don't feel any spark. He is cute but not really my type.

I begin to realize he is nice and we could probably be friends but I am not really attracted to him for several reasons:

1. He is not as driven etc as I am about work, etc.

2. He smokes (I am ex-smoker and I don't want to date a smoker).

3. He he is not in the same place as I am in my life.

4. He is also really into "Older" guys. I realize I am in my thirties now but I am not a Daddy and I have NOOOOO intention of being one. I don't want to have to spend my time guiding someone and having to keep their butt in gear. I find it ICKY to be honest.

Any who, he was a nice guy but "Ted" is not a relationship potential for me. I could see us as possible friends but I DO NOT see the spark there that would generate a future LTR beyond friendship. I need a partner who is more on my level in maturity etc and I am ready to hold out for that person no matter how long that takes.

The Oversharer

Date #1 is done. It was not exactly a dream to say the least. I will try to run down the red flags that made me run in the other direction.

First, let me state, I had communicated via a dating website with "Jeff" for a few weeks. We emailed each other then moved to IM. It seemed fine. We had several things in common:

1. We both were transplants to the area.

2. We both liked a variety of music, movies, etc

3. We both had moved around quite a bit in our lives.

I decided that it wouldn't hurt to meet him so I agreed to go out with him when he asked me.

First thing about this date: I agreed to dinner and a movie.

I NEVER DO THIS NORMALLY. A good, first date is coffee or a cocktail. This way either party can end it easily. There is not long term time commitment for either of you if you realize that it is not a good match.

Any who, I foolishly agreed to dinner. Now, the red flags begin.

Red Flag 1 - I was picking a restaurant when he suggested that he wanted to go somewhere where he could use a coupon. Now look, I am all for a good deal but this is not impressive on a friggin' first date! DO NOT BRING UP COUPONS on the first date! We were going dutch treat any way so it was not like I was asking him to pay for it.

Red Flag 2 - He began to overshare almost instantly at dinner.

Red Flag 3 - He has been out of work for over two years. I know the economy is bad and I have struggled. However, "Jeff" seemed off about this in some way.

Red Flag 4- He was in severe credit card debt and revealed this to me on the FIRST date. I mean things happen but I don't need to know that per se.

Red Flag 5 - He not only was in debt and out of work but has also had a failed business. This put him in even further debt.

I definitely started to shut down after this bit of oversharing but after dinner, "Jeff" wanted to continue the date. I stupidly said yes and we headed to a movie.

Red Flag 6 - He commented on everything from the previews and some during the movie as well. PLEASE, I have not seen this movie, so please do not offer me a running commentary. I am not watching a baseball game on TV so please stop the running commentary!

Once again, I assume the date will end. No, "Jeff"wants to get a drink. What is wrong with me?I am too nice and go along with him to get a cocktail instead of just ending the evening at this point. (Maybe, I just needed a drink!!!)

More oversharing occurs:

Red Flag 7- He is checking out other guys on the date. I am hoping this means he is not interested so I never have to see him again.

Red Flag 8- He reveals he was in h is last relationship just be in a relationship. He doesn't like to be alone, he says, and needs someone to do things with all the time. I need an independent person who can do things with me and also apart. I also have issues with people who date just to date.

Red Flag 9 - He gives me a LONG detailed story about his DUI. Things happen but I didn't need to know all of this on the FIRST date.

Red Flag 10 - HE brings up the COUPON again!!!! He wants to use a coupon the next time we go out. (I am shocked by this and even more shocked he thinks this is a good enough date to warrant a second one!!!! What is wrong with this guy????)

We end the evening and I hope never to hear from him again. For three days, I hear nothing. I am relieved and then it happens...he messages me!

He tells me he had an amazing time and wants to see me again! Ummm, what is up with this guy? I want to grab him and say..."Bad Date, 'Jeff!!!' Bad, Bad Date!"

SO I have been really busy so we have not communicate, I am hoping he has gotten the picture if not I am fully prepared to let him down gently.

So Date #1, The Oversharing, Coupon Lover! Not a dream date...MOVING ALONG!!!!

Dive into the Pool

Dating? I hate it. I know everyone says they hate it but I genuinely despise it. I thought I would update you. I have been in the Twin Cities for almost a year. On a whim, I decided to try to date again. I am not actively seeking anyone etc but I decided I would open myself up again to the dating world by doing the following:

1. Step 1 - Join dating websites. At least, through these, I can check out profiles and communicate a bit via email and messenger. In this way, I can decide if it is worth it to meet someone or not. Hopefully the initial email/messenger communication will make us decide if an in person meeting is even worth it for us.

2. Step 2 - Be open and willing to check out the offerings from these sites. This is not easy for me. I am set in my ways and happy with how my life is but I am trying to dive back in and see if there is actually someone out there who I can share my life with eventually.

3. Step 3 - Go on Dates!

This three step process seems so simple. IT ISN'T. Not for me. I am set in my ways. I am very independent. When I was in my twenties, I could date more frequently. Now, I have no patience. I am very career focused on directing/acting/teaching theatre. I want someone who is willing to support me in my life but is also able to be independent as well.

I am also not willing to just date someone for the sake of dating. It is not worth it. There has to be a match or it is not worth wasting my time or theirs on continuing down the dating path with them.

So here I am, in the Twin Cities, in my late 30s, and on to new horizons in a new city post graduate school. I am getting involved in theatre as director, actor, teacher so now it is time to dive in to the pool and date again. Here I go! *SPLASH*